*When I was a child, we spent a ton of time in the car, craning our eyes for letters for the alphabet game, and looking at material in Richard Scarry (seeking Goldbug and Mr. Frumble’s hat) and the I Spy books. I need new practices, including asking good questions, to help my adult eyes to behold.
I have wrestled with the ache of longing to feel seen for most of my life. Not stared at for something like the glasses on my face or braces on my teeth. Nor the unsought attention that came with their sudden removal when my smile became pearly white instead of stainless-steel gray. I mean the kind of seen synonymous with being understood deeply.
This ache does not reflect a lack of attention on the part of my parents, teachers, or friends when I was young. Rather, it was a voracious appetite for affirmation that went unchecked for many decades because the truth is, I didn’t understand myself. I didn’t recognize the pang for what it is: an echo of Eden in the cavernous places of a heart, hungry for the Only One who can fill.
I don’t know for how many out there this describes the same longing of their hearts. I know there are many ways to try to fill that void. But for me, “being seen” (or understood) all too easily becomes an idol. And so, I asked four questions last week about what it means to be seen and to truly see another person as I increase the type of self-awareness I pray results in growth.
Do not hear me diminishing the need to be seen to our core: our needs, our hopes, our dreams. It is a real need. But ultimately, my hope is in the One whose eyes are on those who rely on his unfailing love (Psalm 33:18). Hagar speaks of the “God who sees” in Genesis 16. The epiphany of this statement: Because the Father sees me, I can spend my energy seeking to see others instead of trying to be seen.
As I mature into Christ by his own perfect measurement of time, I am beginning to see the budding fruit in these branches grafted into him. “Being seen” is paling for the joy of seeing the Father’s love for me more clearly, and working to behold others.
Yes to this. Beautifully and encouragingly said, my friend. (And I love how you work your way in with an old I Spy scene; I recognized it immediately!)
Kelsey, I shared your post last week with a friend from church who leads the meal team in our Wednesday night kitchen. We often say the phrase, “I see you,” to each other. We say it especially when the kitchen gets hectic. 🔥 We say it when there is 30 minutes of work to finish in just 10 minutes, and a line of hungry sinners (sorry, church members) will have to wait an extra 5 minutes for those fried pork chops. We definitely say, “I see you,” when the kitchen staff is exhausted and there's still a whole fellowship hall full of plates to clean because 30 people, myself included, left their plates behind on the tables.
So, when there’s no room left for homegrown grace, we say, “I see you,” to let each other know they're not alone. And just like that, God reminds me, “I see you,” reassuring me that He is present. His love fills this place, even amidst the chaos.